Gym day after feeling yucky

45 minutes on treadmill. Not bad. Did a lil trotting/slow jogging. Yay.

Gotta do better.

geeez....I'm like a drug addict who says..I'll just have one...or... I can have it in the house. I just won't touch it. iii waaannna test my wiiiillpooower. yeah right. didn't end the night right. should have taken fruit to church. tomorrow is a new day.  i can't start relapsing already.

Almost Disappointed

I had a monthly doctor visit yesterday. I got on the scale anxious to see a drop in my weight from the number I saw at home last week. However, despite the prior knowledge that I was wearing clothes and had my diet shake and a banana in my gut, I was NOT expecting to see a rise of five pounds on that scale!!! So, when the doc walked in I was immediately like, I disagree with that scale! I was at such n such last week at home....etc etc...but then, she tells me that I've lost 8 pounds since the last visit a month ago. I was five pounds more than I thought I was when I finally decided to take a step in the right direction. So while I thought the doc's scale was only going to show a 1-2 pound loss, it didn't. She was pleased. I was relieved. Relieved because I had lost weight AND I was tempted to just say screw the day ....I did all this work and I only lost almost two pounds....and have a greasy gyros or burger. But....I went home...had fruit and leftover chili, water, and last night a sensible mini dinner before bed. 1800+ calories for the day. "You done good kid.....you done good."

Down!

Soooooooo....I'm down about six pounds since the beginning of October. A lot was retained water but the doctor will be happy next week. Not sure how long I've been losing though since I only just started to make real efforts to watch my calories last week. Trust me though. ...a loooooot...was water!

Good Day

So, today I ended up so ...just...needing some no one around me time that even though I was dressed and ready to go to church, I decided before I got down the front stairs to the van that I was gonna just drop off mom and the kids and come back home. I was going to bring the kids back, then just baby girl but I decided to have the boy stay cuz he'd be missing out at home and when mom closed the side door without taking baby girl out of her carseat she started crying. The thought of that at home when I was really just needing some quiet just had me saying...guess she wants to stay with you. Granny won. Seriously...cuz the kids weren't dicks at church for a change!!! wtf?!???!??!

Baby Steps

When a baby is learning to walk and soon to make that transition from baby to toddler, they most times try to take a step then BOOMP...bottom meets the floor. However, no way do they let the little boomps keep them from trying again and again until they've got it. Soon after they begin to walk toddlers begin to run. Every now and then, they have boomps and bumps and uh ohs, but they keep on walking and they keep on running. They stay lil busy busies!! So shall those of us who are fighting every day to stay the course toward healthier eating when our prior eating habits have for YEARS been binge binge emotional eat junk junk junk junk. Some of us have been on that course time and time again, sometimes with long-term success but even that success somehow turns back to failure. We have to keep going even though there will be boomps, bumps, and uh ohs. We have to adopt the tenacity of a toddler to keep going for what it is that is wanted....even though there's someone close by yelling NO, STOP, DON'T, NOOOOOOO!! In the case of losing weight and/or maintaining that loss, it's okay to be a kid!

I'm not dead...

I'm still here...but I'm back up to my max weight....possibly more. I was 3+ pounds away from it last week. I haven't weighed myself since and I haven't been making a real effort to lose so...i'm sure I'm at or above that 405# mark. It's very sad.