Feelin' fine.

Just waiting out this week cuz I'm like super exhausted cuz ...I'm...yeah...I'm going through what you dudes out there never will go through! Need to ask the doc about a prescription for Iron pills....I don't think I'm getting enough from these multivitamins.

that is all.

thanks for stopping by.

sorry not so in-depth.

Still love ya though!

whoops

too much dinner. too much cake...one slice was too much...I had like...I think 3. I could have just not posted that or lied about it to you good people...but why lie? I'll still know the truth. So, I know I need to just stay away from all the foods that will tempt me to gorge! I think I had too light of a lunch and knowing there was bbq (mediocre or not, bbq is bbq!!) waiting at home I got a lil' excited. What did I have besides too much cake...a bit too much meat and I think the sides...one or two could have been omitted.....half a bone-in chicken breast, like 3 or 4 spare rib bones, a 6-7" boiled corn on the cob, about 3/4 cup or so of cole slaw, about a cup of pasta tuna salad, and like 2/3 or 3/4 cup of cucumber-tomato-onion salad. And a generous cup of sugar-free punch.


I'm sleepy right now but there are a couple of things I need to get done first. soooo sleeeeeppyyyyy.

The day after hell~

I should have done the grilling on Saturday so I would have had time to wash my hair and not come to work with a 'fro smelling like smoke! ugh! I also wouldn't be so tired from having done so much the day before work. We would have eaten at a more reasonable dinner hour and not 7pm! The grills could have cooled off more efficiently rather than my bro having to dump coals on the ground and hose them at dusk. I probably would have woken up a lot earlier than I did yesterday because I was"dreading" the work ahead of me. Had I done the grilling on Saturday I would have had a gorgeous day to do it and not the rainy hell we had to compete with yesterday. I couldn't get the grills started in enough time and I forgot to soak the wood chips so most of them burned out before they had a chance to smoke the meats.

In my opinion the meal was subpar. It wasn't what I was expecting...but enough of that.

I didn't PIG OUT and considering that I didn't have much to eat before or during the cooking (Special K and skim milk for breakfast, a fruit smoothie with skim milk and frozen fruits for lunch) I could have very easily justified gorging! I just wasn't feeling the dinner. It wasn't my best work but no one else was complaining. I think food almost tastes best when you're not the one cooking it. I'll try to do smoking again in the future and I am in the market for a better, bigger bbq grill and I need to see what parts are missing for this smoker my dad acquired a year or so before he died but never used. However, I can't make such a big investment just yet because I must know with absolute certainty that I will have a job next school year. I'm confident that my position will not be cut by the board because art is a requirement. I'm not trying to look around the building to see who else could be cut before me because that seems like headhunting but I probably should to get a bit of perspective on it.

But, I know I need to let it go and let God work it out for me. If my position is cut...then I know I need to sign up to be a Cadre Sub within 30 days and GOD HELP ME being a sub!! I really need to be in charge of my own class because I know the hell these kids put subs through! I maybe leave the City and trying for a position in a suburb or an entirely different county...which means moving...which I can't really afford right now ...even though I really need to have a place for just me and my son so all that "outside noise" can be remedied...maybe.

I'm just wishing the sun would make another appearance. I don't get it. Is it mourning weather? Is that why just about EVERY MEMORIAL DAY I can remember, it has rained???

ONE WEEK BEHIND ME!

I'll have to look in my archives and see if I've used this title before since I started to type One and this is what popped up as something that had previously been typed in that field. Regardless, I FEEL FABULOUS about my success for this past week of starting my better eating again! There were two occasions (tues. and fri. evenings) where I could have very quickly fall off the wagon due to the food that was provided at these small receptions. I'm VERY happy about that. So, I just need to add a lot more exercise into my days. With all of that, I should be able to fit into this black dress hanging on the door in November for my lil "look what I've accomplished" celebration I plan to have. And won't it be so nice to be able to shop inside of stores for my clothes instead of having to order my larger sizes online? There ARE stores where I can shop right now but the clothes are a lil snug but even after I drop the pounds they're still so expensive! I'd like to be able to get some clothes at Walmart again. A "new favorite" even though I haven't bought a thing from them yet, is Old Navy. They have my size online but not in the stores. I want to oooo la la of shopping in the store and walking out with my merchandise! That reminds me, I need to make that list don't I? Not avoiding it, just forgetting to.

AAAaaaah, so yesterday I was awake for so long that I had some trail mix but I only had half my usual serving..and a glass of skim milk.

Today was another pretty lazy day aside from going out early this morning to water all the container plants, new young shrubs and all the rose bushes. I'm sure once we have the new fence installed I'll plant some more roses! However, if I ever get to move out of here and get my own house, all of those plants I put my sweat (and some blood) into to planting and caring for!

Anyway, I have a roaster chicken and fryer chicken marinating in jerk seasoning in the fridge overnight. I made some pasta w/tuna and a tomato-cucumber-onion salad. I'm not sure if I'm going to make anything else to go with all of that. I do have some old pasta sauce I need to use if it's still good. So maybe I'll make some spaghetti. Ah, we need to get a cabbage and some carrots for the slaw! Diet or not, gotta have the slaw!!! AAAARGH! better add that to my list...but I don't see a pen. rats. I'm guessing I'll remember it, I do have to go to the store tomorrow anyway to get some wood chunks. Tomorrow outta be fun...we haven't used the bbq grills since like 2005 when we had a bbq for my gran'mother's 88th birthday. It's somewhere on that porch...probably not cleaned since 05! Probably better off just buying a new, larger, Webber grill that has a grill rack that has a flip up section for adding wood or charcoal after the rack has been put back on and the food is already added I'm sure I could find just the rack somewhere though.

Okay, so, we had a late dinner tonight of chicken tacos. They were good and I made only enough for tonight...no leftovers. Sick of leftovers that may never be eaten or that I might gorge on later.

I'm sleepy now which is good because I've got a . . . day ahead of me.

wow, I feel pretty great today! I woke up, being a Saturday and a holiday weekend Saturday at that, around 8am or soon after. I realized that I didn't really eat anything until about 12 or 12:30p.m. I wasn't starving hungry or really very hungry at all but I wanted to feed my son so I had the same that he was asking for...Chicken salad! I also made a banana-strawberry smoothie to share with him and my mom. I had my chicken salad on a slice of whole grain wheat bread. The chicken salad is pretty chunky with onions and celery so I didn't have a veg with it. I need to buy more baby carrots because I ACTUALLY FINISHED to the bags I bought last week!!!! I'm not sure if I had a little help from my mom when she packs her lunches for work but I think that was all me. I finished a healthy food rather than having to toss it out a ...uh oh...forgot about the lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers in there. I haven't opened the lettuce head yet so it should be good and it's only been a week today so I'm hoping everything is still "kosher".

Me and the boy went down for a nap and awoke around 5:30 or 6pm. A lil after we had the same lunch that we had for..I guess you'd call that brunch..or maybe that was lunch and this 2nd meal was dinner?? We ate again around 9pm... I know it was too late for me to eat but I had a leftover small portion of salmon and veggies from yesterday (no more brown rice pilaf...good, can move on or make a fresh, smaller batch) and had a lil bowl of Kix and milk.

So right now I'm sitting awake watching digital tv channels!! I bought a new antenna (a lil think, wings-looking flat model) and so now the converter box works. yay! this channel named Create has been showing BBQ based cooking shows in honor of Memorial Day. I'm hooked!! Need to sleep before I get hungry but I doubt that'll happen and if I do, I just grab a lil bit of my homemade trailmix. Plus I've got a jug of water next to me so I'm good.

Today, hunger-wise, was a good day. I don't think I was using many calories though since I wasn't out and about. just making light housework out of what is in acutality some really big messes to clean up around here. I'm just getting started though!

Looking Ahead...and Forward to It!

As I was reading another blogger's post I was reminded of another big test that will be coming up for me this weekend....MEMORIAL DAY! First big grill to "kick off summer"! Usually we pack up and head to my bro's and sisnlaw's, maybe they invite his inlaws and with me WOmaning the grill, we have this big ol' food blowout where we're eating and drinking pop until well after the inlaws and our family have left. It's not an uncommon thing for us to still have a plate of snacks and some pop after midnight!!!

I'm sure those of you reading this, morbidly obese like myself, obese, overweight, healthy weight, skinny, or just don't care, are looking forward to this weekend. Since last weekend it's kind of bittersweet for us in my family. Back in 1998 my dad died at the kitchen table on the morning of May 16th. He was doing his routine of taking his meds with orange juice because...he was a diabetic. What killed him? Well, I'm sure ithad nothing to do with the diabetes, but the fact that he had congestive heart failure...he had a heart attack. Ten days before his birthday. He would have been 57...a wise old sage as far as age goes...if this were like the 1800s! So this past Saturday I decided to stop by his gravesite since I was in the area. I'm sure we'll all head back over together on Monday..and then his 68th birthday is Tuesday. Could be an emotional weekend but it hasn't been in a while for us.

I was on my way home from my first mammogram when I stopped by his grave....I know I'm only 31...it was a screening because my mom had breast cancer last year. She has her last cancer-related treatment tomorrow! yay mom! While I have to go in for a second viewing of my left one in two weeks...so pray with me it's just because "there's no baseline to compare to". Anyway, I have a lot of family medical history against me with my adding to it with all of this extra weight. On a positive note I do feel like a little "lighter". I realized that I wasn't feeling all heavy like I was dragging 8 people with me while walking down the hallway today. I won't get TOO geeked about it until I'm feeling this way on a daily basis. I have been making a conscious effort however to make more trips to do a few things. For example, rather than stopping on the way to my classroom to use the restroom, I keep on to my room to drop off whatever I'm holding (bag, papers, water) and then walk back to the bathroom. Sometimes I'll head to the one that's farther away. Most times I would get a lil huffy to myself when I forgot to do what it was I'd walked the length of the hall to the office to do b4 I got back to my room. Now, I just chalk it up to extra exercise.

I think I'm going to try and get more fiber into my system next week so I can help flush out some of this chicken all week. I seems like my body has been doing that for me at least once at work the past two days! Not a bad thing...not complaining. I'm just wanting to get all that crap...literally...out of my colon naturally without having to drink some super colon blow stuff or go in and have some guru do it! The thought of having all of that coming out at once or close to it makes me clench up! I'm looking for recipes for lentils and the various beans I have so I'll have some more variety! Cooking healthy food IIIIIIIS a lot more fun...and I LOVE to cook!


I'm also thinking of what recipes to have for Monday. I'm thinking chicken kabobs with onions, peppers, lil red potatoes. Not sure, still thinking. Welp, the boy is asking for cereal ..when he just ate a sliced apple...boy are you really still hungry? Better nip this in the bud!

OH YEAH...I bought a new dvd player for the bigger tv on the first floor so now I can use my workout dvds! Now . . . . . . . all I have to do it actually USE them!

Hmmm, is it Friday yet?

SUCH A LOVELY...HOT ...but still LOVELY DAY OUTSIDE HERE IN THE CHI'!!! Today's breakfast (which I still need to record in my written food journal) was:

1c. Special K, 1c. skim milk, 1 banana

1 Special K cereal bar

2c. chicken salad w/celery, 1 slice whole grain wheat bread, 1c. baby carrots <----THIS turned out to be more than what I'd been eyeballing as 2c. of salad and 2/3-3/4 c. baby carrots so in actuality I wasn't eating this much at all for lunch and was still satisfied! YAY!

1 apple

And dinner is about to be:

Broiled salmon
sauteed green beans, zucchini, & yellow squash
brown rice pilaf

Looking up to see if there's a way saute the beans without trying to boil them down a bit first. Also for sauteing the squash.

How's everyone else doing?

Is something happening? eh?

So I'm eating an apple right now because I couldn't stand the hunger any longer! Does that mean that my body is transitioning to needing/wanting less calories to function? I didn't grab one or two of those Special K cereal bars (90 cals each but I think they're a lil up in carbs) so I don't have a buffer to eating the apple now and not on the way home later as my encouragement to stopping for food. I've made it two days not only driving home from work but also having to leave back out to go to and from another location WITHOUT hitting up a fast food drive-thru!!! You might not think that's a big deal but for me it is! I even made it walking into Jewel across from work yesterday to get some green tea bags to keep in the van so I'd always have them at work WITHOUT hitting up their lil chicken wings self-serve kiosk or going to the counter to get them if the kiosk isn't up yet. And to keep from thinking of those lil b@stards I'm gonna change the subject a bit.












Wow, I'm pretty late...I'm just now noticing the shortcuts menu at the bottom of the posting box!! ctrl B, ctrl I, etc.!! duh!
Anyway, I've always tried to makes sure I have like 3-4 pieces of fruit, mostly apples and an orange for lunch, so I'd have an apple to eat on the drive home so I'd have something in my stomach to keep me from stopping for food and to tithe me over while cooking dinner. Well, the two problems with that was sometimes I would ignore, like almost with anger, the apple and just commit myself to getting something at Jewel (not just the wings but a bag of chips and one or two candy bars to go with it) and have that devoured before I even made it to my son's daycare. Or rapidly scan in my head what food stop is on the way, usually McDonalds or Wendy's and thinking of what I'd get before I've even left the parking lot at work. To go further with that one I'd tell myself that if I hit up the McDonald's right off the expressway then I'd have more time to eat it before I got to my son's daycare then home so hell, why not get a lil extra? Pretty sad. QUITE SAD!!! That reminds me I still need to try and make this appointment before this referral expires. ugh, the major con of having HMO!

So, I don't know if I'm gonna need to hit up Jewel for some low fat/low cal/low carb bar to help me with this hunger I'm having or not. Probably not..I've been drinking water and had a travel mug of green tea (plain :D) so it might not even be hunger but just my stomach in a wee bit of adjustment discomfort. Speaking of bars, I keep forgetting to try and get the, or as many of the, ingredients that make up those so-called filler bars. I can' t think of a name but their the bars (and one doc developed a cookie) that's supposed to either take the place of an entire meal or you eat it like 30 minutes before your next meal and it'll fill up your stomach so much that you might not eat as much or any of your meal at all! I've almost bought the bars a couple of times but stopped short and decided to read the ingredients. They usually include puffed wheat or brown rice, barley, oats, honey, etc. You know, basically breakfast cereal drizzled with a lil bit of honey in a bowl with the milk you'd probably drink with the bar. Yeah, I'm pretty skeptical of skinny docs who come up with these new weightloss/management dealies. I wonder, if you weren't overweight, obese, or like me MORBIDLY obese before you came up with this "new" thing and you used it and lost, why should I listen to you and trust your product(s)? The same kinda goes for a fat doc who keeps telling you and me that we need to take better care of our health by doing this and that. You wanna ask "is that what YOU did?" But like me, maybe they're big and they're telling others to lose the weight because they KNOW what it's like to live so long with extra weight and other health issues it can promote and they're trying to save you the hell. I remember my dad telling me, probably the year before he died or possibly that year itself, to lose the weight b4 I turn 35 because after then it's hard. paraphrasing of course since he's been dead for 11 years now this month.

Man, I need to get up and walk...eyelids are getting a lil heavy. Maybe I'll eat some of my lunch now and then walk for the next period for a bit outside since it's such a nice day, then eat the rest of it during my lunch period. Hmmm, it IS chicken salad and once I get started with what's in front of me, it's kinda hard for me to stop! I'm still trying people, this isn't magic! At least give me not going for fast food will ya?

OY!!!

I'm so through with today! I'll be attending the "closing" night of the first ever play this school has put on. It opened last night to a full house of 50 people (small theatre so easy to fill), had a matinee for the students, and it closes tonight.



I'm so through with today.

So, today I had a bowl of off-brand "Special K: Red Berries" at home, then an apple at work. For a snack I had a Special K Strawberry cereal bar. For lunch, I had about 1 1/2 cups of chicken salad with chopped eggs, maybe 2/3-3/4 cups of baby carrots, and 2 slices of whole wheat bread.

Got home and all the last part of the day and the drive home I had to keep telling myself that "I'm going to eat at home. I'm going to eat at home. I'M GOING TO EAT AT HOME." My problem is my van...I can pick up something without even getting outta the van and then isolate myself within said van to inhale purchased food. Then go in the house and make dinner for the boy and mom...and eventually eat again.


So today, after work, and on the way to and from my doc appointment, to ignore the unconscionable allure of grabbing something on the way home was a big step. It was one step, but a big one.

Yesterday I had the same thing pretty much so ..I know what my starting weight can be considered as per my trip to the scale....I'm not telling you all though! just know...I need to lose a LOT!!

Dinner

Dinner was excellent. the chicken may have been a bit too salty and maybe a lil overdone...MAYBE...but it's a lovely golden brown and the salt was sea salt so..is that supposed to be healthier or just offer better flavor.

the sides were nice. Now....I have to figure out where to put it. Enough space is taken up now with the 2 kinds of chicken salad...one with celery and one with chopped eggs.

...the more things stay the same...

I really need to live alone so I can be the only one buying what comes in so I won't be tempted to munch on something I shouldn't be simply because it's there.

Now, granted, these crispy noodles I just topped off from the Chinese food I got on ..uuuhm, Friday I think, was so my fault because I could have just tossed them out...only .50 so the leftovers were not saying HEY, DON'T WASTE MONEY just because you're trying to eat healthy again....Those Cheezits I just downed were not necessary!!

So now I'm trying eat an orange and down some water while I wait for dinner to finish cooking. I'm also boiling some eggs to add to the chicken salad I'm gonna make later. DUH, I could be chopping the celery and onions...hell, the chicken too...actually I could be MAKING IT while I'm letting the eggs cook then cool then just add them later....I'm just tired right now.

So dinner....boiled corn on the cob, brown rice pilaf, canned (rinsed off first) carrots, and roasted chicken. Just that there's almost 2 hours left on the chicken!!! But that makes dinner around 6:30 or so. The sun will still be out! yay.

At least my plants in the window are getting some sun today. The sun was struggling yesterday and the couple or so days before that....nooooo suuuuun at all! Cool rain....I think the ground is just starting to dry up but that's a good thing for us gardeners...just the gloomy look of a rainy day when it's almost summer..you get kinda ...baaaaaah.

The doc is gonna choke me!

So since I have done virtually NOTHING to take this weight off since I last saw my doctor...it'll probably be a waste of time to see her anyway...money too. However since she's constantly booked up like two months in advance I'd better keep this appointment. Plus, I need to ask her if I'll need a new referral for this weight program since he one she referred me to is on a bit of a hiatus since the hospital was bought so they're transitioning. Just wanna make sure I won't end up having to pay myself because it wasn't approved....HMOs!!!

Soooo, I'm pretty tired now people so sorry, no list yet. I'm kinda anxious to type it out so I can read over it myself. Maybe I'll print it afterward rather than try to write out all 800 different reasons!

I did do some pretty decent grocery shopping...lotta fruit and I bought some ingredients for trail mix sans the chocolate candy!



soooooo sleeeeepy......

Okay, so this morning I went for my very first mammogram! It wasn't bad or uncomfortable at all. Maybe this extra flab helped me out? After that I went to visit my dad (and cousin) at the cemetery. Only their bodies of course. By the time I arrived at their plots I do believe it was officially 11 years since dad died. My cousin died a couple of days before him. Quite a trying time for us (cousin was from dad's side).

So right now I'm about to head out to do some grocery shopping. After that, a lil bit of recoup time before SGRho chapter meeting.

I ate the last of the leftovers from yesterday...Chinese takeout...a few minutes ago. MAN!!! Why does Chinese food give you such horrible gas within the next 24 hours?!!?? (listening to my son growl at my mom in the bathroom because he's into some stuff again....wow) Anyway, I have to resist the urge to use the blessing of a vehicle as a curse of fast food. I need to start cooking enough to get us through a couple of days before I have to cook again or just live off of Special K and diet dinners that possibly are low in sodium for a while! I also made my WIC run so I got 3 boxes of Special K to go with the FOUR gallons of milk...I had to use all 4 coupons today cuz they run out on the 19th and I KNOW I wasn't gonna make it there if I didn't go today! We still have hellah cereal from the last WIC run and grocery run. So...yeah....I'm off to the races.....

I haven't forgotten that list either people! Keep your pants on!

BTW about that New Year's Day 2009 Dinner....the poundcakes were garbage worthy!!! I'm not sure why WHYYYYY I followed a recipe that called for me to bake the cake at like 400 or 450 degrees?!?!!?? It was a WASTE!! I might decide to try it again someday but well, I'll be baking it at 350 or lower like a NOOOORMAL CAKE BAKING TEMPERATURE!! Not sure what that so-called "chef" was thinking!!! trained in france my left buttcheek!


Anyway....I think I need to go visit this other blog page to see how she posted her Reasons Why...List on the side. Be back in a few.

Here We Go....Again x????

Well hello those of you here to read up on my journey...or well, right now, my lack thereof.

I last posted December 30th?!?!? So once again I'm looking back and when I was LAST actively trying to lose weight and counting not weeks..but MONTHS in that gap! Wonderin AGAIN where would I be now had I just STUCK WITH IT!!

I know, I know . . . some of you might wanna say, you need to forgive yourself as many times as you have a setback and get right back on track for the goal. Others might say go kill yourself fatty....well to you I say...why are you here reading blogs from people trying to lose weight and then become Captain Bringdown? Also to you I say I'm really not in the mood for dying, even if I AM currently eating myself to an early grave. So for you Negative Nelly... *POOF* be gone!

Everyone else, you probably fall into one of a couple of categories: you've been when I am and you know what it's like to have to lose 10, 50, 100, 200, or in my case about 250 pounds. You've been there and you've succeeded! I'm hoping to succeed without Lap-Band surgery (never going for a bypass) because for some, that can be just as dangerous as a bypass. The other part of you reading are in a similar weight loss situation as I am. What situation is this? Well, like a blogger I'm following, "Chubby Chick", I should probably make a list of things I am trying/needing/wanting to lose weight for. In essence I could pretty much just copy and paste her list to my blog and add a handful of reasons she may have missed!!! For so many people on this planet, the more we are different, the more we are the same.

Well, I may not be able to do my list right this instance . . . the bell will be ringing to begin my next class to teach in about a minute, unless no one shows up. Even if they all do there are only about 5 girls left and one will be in a play practice, two just returned from homebound over the past week & 1/2 and haven't been back consistently, and one's attendance has been wishy-washy this year. Two are currently on homebound until the end of the year so...I might just get to type out that list. It's a list that will come from the heart like so many things I will post in this blog. I don't think I'll be willing to reveal my identity in this blog until I've dropped at least 150 pounds. I have a party planned in a lil under 6 months that I decided to have back in January or February. I wanted to make it public so people would know that I am trying to lose and give me some encouragment and it would maybe give me some motivation! I bought some smaller sized nice black cocktail dresses so that's where the party idea came from. The one I plan to wear is hanging where I can see it everyday...but yet and all, here I am.

Well, EVERY STUDENT (all five) showed up, and on a FRIDAY at that! I must have talked them up. wow! no play practice I guess.

Oh well, I'll try to post my list later today. The weather isn't looking satisfactory enough for me to attend this shindig. But well, I probably wouldn't have gone anyway.